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Post by cometchaos on Jun 3, 2024 11:16:51 GMT -5
[[ I am back and will try and reply to Dappleswipes argument thing but I have no idea how to make Shadepatch reply- ]]
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Post by lazzylake on Jun 3, 2024 11:35:16 GMT -5
(I can give you some pointers on how to direct the conversation if you like! It's just tricky because this particular argument doesn't get negotiated.
To be fair, Dappleswipe is requesting something from Shadepatch that she likely isn't aware about. It's a small issue, but with Dappleswipe's exhaustion she blows it out of proportion. I think a good question to ask yourself would be: How does Shadepatch work under confrontation, especially when she doesn't have a solid answer to give?)
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Post by cometchaos on Jun 3, 2024 11:59:49 GMT -5
[[ Since I haven't been RPing Shadepatch for long enough to know what she would even do in the Dappleswipe argument, I am giving lazzylake permission to RP Shadepatches reply there because I do not know how yet ]]
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Post by lazzylake on Jun 3, 2024 12:23:05 GMT -5
(I'm sorry, but I really only have time to finish writing the Haypaw training prompt before next moon. No worries, as Brownie said, being absent for one moon isn't too big of a deal! You'll get a better feel for her character with more interactions in the future. This one prompt was a bit difficult to write for, that's all)
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Post by Brownie on Jun 3, 2024 12:48:18 GMT -5
yep, it's moon time! Yall can finish submitting replies for the last moon even after I put this one up if you need to ^^ cometchaos yeah trying to settle a personality is hard. I usually write one or two replies that are mostly ambiance (the thought bubble prompts are super good for that!) and stick to one or two core traits as motivation. As long as you keep your replies to only Shadepatch's POV (her thoughts, her actions, her words) you don't have to worry about stepping on anyone else's toes! She's all yours to develop, a blank slate. ]]
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Post by duskflight on Jun 3, 2024 12:54:45 GMT -5
(Sorry i haven't said anything yet, im waiting for Mistleheart to have something happen to her. Also, this is my first time rping so im a bit clueless lol)
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Post by Brownie on Jun 3, 2024 13:30:35 GMT -5
x - Moon 50 - x
late new-leaf; mostly sunny Clan Events: None
Prey pile: 102.0 Prey needed: 40.0
Is thinking about what announcements to make at the Gathering Patrol: Hunting Relationships - Thinks Drizzlepaw is doing well (+) - Thinks Hazelpelt took too much prey (--) with Pondspeckle, Hazelpelt Event : Hunting spot Choice : Proceed Outcome : Pondspeckle convinces the patrol to try a spot he swears always has tons of birds. It doesn't really work out, but no one can blame Pondspeckle for the lack of prey: it seems a nesting pair of eagles have moved in and scared most of the smaller birds off.
Is poking fun at Spottedfur Patrol: Border Relationships - Hangs out with Cinderpaw (+) - Chooses to share tongues with Pondspeckle (+++) with Slatefoot, Frozenlaurel Event : Odd sound Choice : Antagonize Outcome : They proceed carefully, getting into a flanking position. Slatefoot strikes first--the loner, perhaps apprentice aged--screeches and flees. Is thinking about the new BurdockClan medicine cat apprentice Major Events Event: Could not find any herbs alone this moon.
Patrol: Herb Gathering Relationships - Is cut off by Cinderpaw in the middle of trying to help another cat (---) - Got annoyed at Pondspeckle over something minor (-)
with Heavy Event : Storms Choice : Do Not Proceed Outcome : The clouds come in quickly, and rather than risk a soaking, the two turn back before they get to the herb gathering spot. Is thinking about the new BurdockClan medicine cat apprentice Major Events Event: Shadepatch's bee sting feels better this moon. Patrol: Herb gathering Relationships - Is slightly jealous of how easily Thrushfleck fits in (-)
with Hayfeather Event : Newleaf's bounty Choice : Proceed Outcome : Shadepatch brings the new warrior Haypaw* with her, both for added security but also to carry any herbs they may find. Haypaw* isn't happy with herb gathering as a first patrol and refuses to engage in conversation. Is hoping Spottedfur will tell her a new story Patrol: Herb gathering Relationships - Surprises Bubblingstar with something nice (++) - Is jealous Shadepatch got the last spot to go to last moon's Gathering (--)
with Stormmask Event : Storms Choice : Do Not Proceed Outcome : The clouds come in quickly, and rather than risk a soaking, the two turn back before they get to the herb gathering spot. Almost choked on a feather Patrol: Hunting Relationships - Is impressed by Drizzlepaw's insight into a difficult situation (+++) - Surprises Drizzlepaw with something nice (++)
with Bubblingstar, Pondspeckle Event : Hunting spot Choice : Proceed Outcome : Pondspeckle convinces the patrol to try a spot he swears always has tons of birds. It doesn't really work out, but no one can blame Pondspeckle for the lack of prey: it seems a nesting pair of eagles have moved in and scared most of the smaller birds off. Tries to set a good example for the younger cats Patrol: Border Relationships - Appreciates how Bubblingstar always checks in on him (+++) - Appreciates Cinderpaw's support (+)
with Slatefoot, Dappleswipe Event : Odd noise Choice : Antagonize Outcome : They proceed carefully, getting into a flanking position. Slatefoot strikes first--the loner, perhaps apprentice aged--screeches and flees. Feels a deep respect for the Clan's new elders Major Events Event: Gifts lavender flowers to Thrushfleck Patrol: Training Relationships - Realizes she has a lot in common with Pondspeckle (+++)
with Drizzlepaw Event : Fighting Choice : Proceed Outcome : Both have a good training session, if average. Major Events Event: Is gifted lavender flowers by Mistleheart Patrol: Training Relationships - Gossips about a BurdockClan warrior with Pondspeckle (+++)
with Cinderpaw Event : porcupine Choice : Proceed Outcome : The creatures are dangerous, but their quills important to YewClan. Thrushfleck points out the porcupine's spines as it snuffles about the forest floor. Saw a flock of migrating geese Patrol: Border Relationships - Appreciates Heavy's advice (+)
with Dappleswipe, Frozenlaurel Event : Odd sound Choice : Antagonize Outcome : They proceed carefully, getting into a flanking position. Slatefoot strikes first--the loner, perhaps apprentice aged--screeches and flees. Is picking burrs from his pelt Patrol: Hunting Relationships - Surprised Slatefoot's life isn't as easy as he assumed (+++) - took a sunbath with Spottedfur and Bubblingstar
with Hazelpelt, Bubblingstar Event : Hunting spot Choice : Procced Outcome : Pondspeckle convinces the patrol to try a spot he swears always has tons of birds. It doesn't really work out, but no one can blame Pondspeckle for the lack of prey: it seems a nesting pair of eagles have moved in and scared most of the smaller birds off. Daydreams of being a warrior in TigerClan Major Events Event: Is made a warrior! She is honored for her commitment. Name options: Haylightning, Hayfeather, Hayclaw
Patrol: Herb gathering Relationships - Drops into the medicine den to check in with Shadepatch (++)
with Shadepatch Event : Newleaf's bounty Choice : Proceed Outcome : Shadepatch brings the new warrior Haypaw* with her, both for added security but also to carry any herbs they may find. Haypaw* isn't happy with herb gathering as a first patrol and refuses to engage in conversation. Asks Hayfeather for advice on passing his next assessment Patrol: Hunting Relationships - Had a difficult conversation with Pondspeckle and they both understand each other better (+++)
with Mistleheart, Slatefoot Event : Odd sound Choice : Proceed Outcome : It's too soon. Slatefoot backs away from the brush and the group decides to take Drizzlepaw to hunt somewhere else. Wants to get to know Mistleheart better Patrol: Training Relationships - Thinks Stormmask has been acting strangely (-)
with Thrushfleck Event : Porcupine Choice : Proceed Outcome : The creatures are dangerous, but their quills important to YewClan. Thrushfleck points out the porcupine's spines as it snuffles about the forest floor. Is telling a rather tall tale to any cat that will listen Major Events Event: Spottedfur has been resistant to retiring, but finally decides it is time to join the elders. - Helps Drizzlepaw pick Burrs from his fur (++) - Compliments Shadepatch (+) . Event : . Choice : . Outcome : . Major Events Event: Scarletdrift wishes to join the elders alongside Spottedfur. - Thinks the prey Shadepatch is biting into looks delicious (--) - Caught Slatefoot complaining about him behind his back (---)
. Event : . Choice : . Outcome : .
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Post by Brownie on Jun 3, 2024 13:33:10 GMT -5
Slight patch notes before I start on the detailed relationship break downs and bios that comes every 10 moons~ Haypaw is named a warrior! whispering I think all her options are great! Haypaw -> Loving, trusted advisor Spottedfur and Scarletdrift retiring together gives me life. <3 speaking of, jaybun! Bubblingstar can't retire on his own, so it'll be up to you when to pass things off~ ]]
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Post by whispering on Jun 3, 2024 13:56:32 GMT -5
i like hayfeather! i imagine she was named for her kindness and compassion <3
ofc she’s spending her first moon being an a hole x.x such a clangen thing to do
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Post by Brownie on Jun 3, 2024 13:59:00 GMT -5
i like hayfeather! i imagine she was named for her kindness and compassion <3 ofc she’s spending her first moon being an a hole x.x such a clangen thing to do Hayfeather it is! All changed in the game, but she'll be Haylightning in all the below screenshots because... yeah not redoing all that xp ]]
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Post by stormshade1 on Jun 3, 2024 14:14:37 GMT -5
i like hayfeather! i imagine she was named for her kindness and compassion <3 ofc she’s spending her first moon being an a hole x.x such a clangen thing to do She apologized though, or I would assume so when she 'dropped into the medicine den to check on Shadepatch'
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Post by stormshade1 on Jun 3, 2024 14:27:43 GMT -5
whispering I'm the favourite child ![:evil:](//storage.proboards.com/6575102/images/80H6KJYCpAJueYr1dHx1.gif) Also how come Frozen has so much trust for Cinder? And Cinder has quite a bit of dislike for Frozen... interesting...
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Post by stormshade1 on Jun 3, 2024 14:39:05 GMT -5
Oh yeah one more thing - Brownie how do you choose Proceed/Do Not Proceed/Antagonize? Like I know you add up the traits or smthn but how? Like just negative traits = antag and positive traits = proceed?
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Post by Brownie on Jun 3, 2024 16:28:22 GMT -5
Oh yeah one more thing - Brownie how do you choose Proceed/Do Not Proceed/Antagonize? Like I know you add up the traits or smthn but how? Like just negative traits = antag and positive traits = proceed? I don't do that anymore ^^ It was growing harder and harder to balance the stats as more cats joined, and no one at the time engaged with the mechanic, so I dropped it. It was making it extremely challenging to make a cohesive narrative and was skewed heavily towards proceed, which is fine, but without a randomness factor, it meant that only a few cats had the chance of tipping the scales towards another outcome which I didn't feel was fair. Now, I kinda just go with whatever I think would be narratively satisfying and give enough variation to not stagnate the patrol mechanic by having the same events over and over. For example, the Heavy/Stormmask patrol got the "storm" prompt, but that only ever has two outcomes: either the other cat cheers up the healer, or they fail. Because it's spring and pop-up storms are very common, I thought it would be fitting that the "storm" in the prompt happened while they were out, giving a third option to the in-game dichotomy. With the border patrol, we just had two "odd sound" prompts in the last two moons, with one resulting in a death. Unlike last moon, where it was a hunting patrol and better to run, this was a border patrol: they are responsible for dealing with threat, so it was an antagonize. I try to find contexts where do not proceed and antagonize make sense, because those are always going to be the least picked options and it's good to get the variety when I can narratively afford it, if that makes sense. ]]
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Post by Sand on Jun 3, 2024 16:52:52 GMT -5
[ the fact that Scarletdrift & Spottedfur retired together makes me really happy <3. Even though Spottedfur’s love for him has gone unrequited, them retiring together just feels right.
also, it’s nice to see we have some possibilities romantically with some of the cats! I’m a bit surprised by Dappleswipe liking Frozenlaurel though. It looks like Thrush x Shade is a good pairing <3 ]
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Lesbian
#ACEBF6
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Feathertalon
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Bird Overlord
unofficial chicken whisperer
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Post by Feathertalon on Jun 3, 2024 17:19:34 GMT -5
[ O: was shade actually Slate’s apprentice momentarily?? Or is that a glitch ]
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Post by Brownie on Jun 3, 2024 17:23:01 GMT -5
[ O: was shade actually Slate’s apprentice momentarily?? Or is that a glitch ] oh yeah that happened. Sorry I stole her from you </3 It made more sense narratively that the medicine cat apprentice from the previous moon would have joined rather than a random other BurdockClan apprentice. I didn't even know who she had been assigned to until I was peeping through last moon and saw she was still tagged under Slate. It's kinda weird, because usually a mentor shouldn't stay marked if the apprentice was manually moved before the moon skip, but it did in this case. ]]
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Lesbian
#ACEBF6
Name Colour
Feathertalon
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Bird Overlord
unofficial chicken whisperer
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Post by Feathertalon on Jun 3, 2024 17:31:39 GMT -5
[ it’s all good, I was just wondering if Clangen had was being weird again! One day I’ll have have a warrior with an apprentice here xD ]
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Post by dewbranch on Jun 3, 2024 19:08:59 GMT -5
[ It's sad to see that Spottedfur and Scarletdrift don't get along as much anymore, and interesting just how much Scarlet likes Heavy ]
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Post by Brownie on Jun 3, 2024 19:12:56 GMT -5
![](https://imgur.com/OzS4UsD.png) Frozenlaurel -x-----------x-
For the first time since he turned his back on the city and set off into the hills, Frozenlaurel felt completely at ease. Now, with both his kits named full warriors, he could finally let go of the lingering fear that, somehow, these Clan cats would tire of their generosity and force him to leave
He didn't really think they would, not when he could think about it logically, but fears like that rarely were quelled by logical reassurances. For some reason, his subconscious had been waiting for this moment, for him to shout Hayfeather's name just as loudly as he shouted Pondspeckle's last moon, for him to race forward as soon as the ceremony was over, trying (probably failing) to not smother his daughter with his pride and affection.
His kits were warriors now. They were useful. They had a home.
Frozenlaurel stepped back to let the rest of YewClan greet their newest warrior, his eyes lifting to find YewClan's leader. Bubblingstar had found the perfect name for Hayfeather, as he had bestowed so many other young warriors in the Clan. The ginger tom did so much to keep his Clan safe, and because of Bubblingstar's kindness, now his family was a part of that.
He'd never forget that.
-x-----------x- -x-----------x- Frozenlaurel was impressed by Cinderpaw. It was a bit odd, for a full warrior to seek out an apprentice when he wanted to learn a new skill, but perhaps not as odd at it sounded.
It was Cinderpaw's recitations of the Warrior Code as a kit that cemented the words in Frozenlaurel's own mind; it was helping her with camp chores that taught him where YewClan stored their moss and where they deposited the old bedding; the other warriors told more stories when Cinderpaw was around, allowing Frozenlaurel to listen in on YewClan's history.
He didn't like asking the others to explain things to him. It was embarrassing to ask Dappleswipe or Spottedfur to explain things that every apprentice should know, because even if Frozenlaurel was a warrior, he'd never been trained as one. A few moons of supplementary hunting and fighting lessons, a quick tour around camp, but he was never an apprentice: six or eight moons steeped in YewClan's history and culture, with a mentor around to ask any questions he might have, encouraged to be curious and to learn.
Frozenlaurel was expected to learn on the fly. Which was fine! He knew he performed adequately as a warrior, even in his early moons, and he's only improved from there. He could hold his own in any spar and he was one of the only cats in YewClan that taught himself to pull fish from Rushing Creek!
But there were gaps in his knowledge. The small things, the history, the culture, and even lacking repetition on basic skills. Hanging around with the apprentices let him assimilate some of that, or at least get a feel of the curriculum they were learning so he could go off and figure it out on his own. Cinderpaw helped with that.
He also thought she was super cool.
So when the grey tabby tom saw both of the apprentices, he trotted over. "Whatcha been learning? Anything new? Anything fun?" He twitched his whiskers at that, thinking himself terribly slick. They probably thought he was cool too. -x-----------x- [[ OOC : This man <3 ]]
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Lesbian
#ACEBF6
Name Colour
Feathertalon
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Bird Overlord
unofficial chicken whisperer
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Post by Feathertalon on Jun 3, 2024 20:20:03 GMT -5
Heavy »
hopes spottedfur tells her a story & herb patrol with stormmask - Sand
The death of Brightleaf still clung to Heavy like a darkened rain cloud, but she knew that her daughter would want her to push on and continue with her life. She had spent moons mourning the loss of Stemriver only to lose her daughter so soon after. Heavy mourned her daughter, but she had continued to hold her head high and go about her normal warrior duties. The calico felt as if she had to, especially now. Both Spottedfur and Scarletdrift had retired to the elders’ den in the last moon, leaving Heavy as the Clan’s most senior warrior outside of Bubblingstar.
The Clan’s most senior warrior. Trepidation rippled down the calico’s back. She had never expected to hold such a title - not that it held much power. It felt like only a season ago she had been youthful and spry, running like the wind until her bones had snapped and left her barely clinging to life. It had been Spottedfur, a younger warrior back then as well, that had carried her back to camp. It had been he that had renamed her to Heavy, or so the calico assumed. Quite frankly she had never asked who exactly started the trend of calling her Heavy. That would be something to ask Spottedfur lately. Perhaps he’d be willing to share the story with her.
A raindrop splashed against Heavy’s nose. The molly was jerked from her thoughts as she craned her head upward, eyes peering toward the sky. Only a few moments ago the sun had been shining bright and yellow, but storm clouds billowed above, clashing in the sky like raging lions; the wind was beginning to whip through the canopy, shaking even the thickest of trees. Heavy turned her gaze onto her companion. ”It looks like the storm will get bad,” she commented to Stormmask. This new-leaf had been full of sunny days and warm weather, but pop up storms had been quite frequent. The last one had been rather violent as well, and based on the darkness of the clouds rolling in now, Heavy feared this storm could produce a torrential downpour as well.
Heavy »
surprises bubblingstar with something nice - jaybun! jealous of shadepatch
Jealousy was not a feeling that Heavy was familiar with. It had occurred once or twice before, a sickening pinch in her guts that her had flexing her claws and flicking her tail-tip back and forth like the rattle of a snake, yet it wasn’t something that happened often. Feeling it now was odd to her, a sensation not unlike waking up from a dream in which she was falling, falling, falling… It was an odd pit in her stomach that she just couldn’t shake anytime she saw the tortoiseshell pelt of Shadepatch. As the medicine cat apprentice it was only customary for her to be chosen for a gathering, but Heavy had had high hopes of being called to go as well. But she had been stuck in camp on the full moon, tasked with the job of watching camp. An important job, yes, but Heavy had hoped to join her Clanmates at the gathering.
Hopefully she could attend the next one.
… She totally wasn’t trying to suck up to Bubblingstar, either. That totally wasn’t the reason for why she clasped tightly onto a soft bundle of geese feathers as she padded toward the leader’s den.
As she neared the entrance the calico slowed her pawsteps. Nerves tingled down her back, fur feeling the urge to ruffle. Was it even a good idea to be doing this? Was she being petty in bargaining for a place at the next gathering with a present of feathers? Heavy hesitated, lingering near her leader’s den.
A soft breeze tickled at her pelt, the feathers curling forward and nudging against her cheeks. Winning favor or not, Bubblingstar was getting old, and surely having soft feathers in his nest would do him some good.
”Bubblingstar?” The molly called through the plumes, waiting for his response before padding inside.
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Lesbian
#ACEBF6
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Feathertalon
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Bird Overlord
unofficial chicken whisperer
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Post by Feathertalon on Jun 3, 2024 20:21:17 GMT -5
Slatefoot »
’Honk, honk, honk’.
The cries of a flock of geese rang throughout the leaf-thick woods, drowning out all the other sounds of the forest around the border patrol. Slatefoot glanced upward, thankful for a break in the canopy that allowed her a chance to see the sky above. Not a cloud dotted the heavens, a clear expanse of space for the geese to peacefully fly on through as they followed their migration pattern. On their way back to their home, Slatefoot thought to herself, smiling fondly as she watched the bird’s ‘V’ shaped pattern fly away, heading somewhere north. She wondered what it would be like to have to travel back and forth homes all the time, and those homes to be so far away as well. Slatefoot wasn’t sure how she felt about the idea - on one paw traveling would leave room for so much exploration and adventure, yet on the other paw… Slatefoot stared around at the blooming trees and thick bushes of YewClan territory. This was home. This was comforting. It was where she had been born, where she had grown up. It was the place where her father lay in eternal slumber alongside her sister. Slatefoot didn’t think she would ever be able to leave this place, even if for just a few seasons.
A shuffle in the bushes, a grunt in the leaves, snapped Slatefoot out of her thoughts. The young molly instinctively flexed her claws, already pulling her lips back into a snarl. Her mind wandered back to Brightleaf, how her sister had been brutally taken from her two moons prior. Was her littermate’s murderer mere inches away, lumbering about in the undergrowth? She heard Dappleswipe calling for caution, preparing the patrol for a battle that could very well be on the horizon.
A growl escaped Slatefoot’s lips and away she went, lunging forward with all the might of a tiger and all the courage of a lion. If that wolverine was still hanging about in the territory it was going to wish it had never been born after Slatefoot was through with it!
Paws thudded into fur. A body crashed down onto the ground, much smaller than Slatefoot had expected a wolverine to be. Cat scent flooded her nostrils as a tiny body writhed underneath. The dark-furred molly recoiled back, shocked to see a young gray and white tabby frantically squirming to get a pawhold. The cat was no older than an apprentice, fur spiked and covered in debris from Slatefoot barrelling into them. The cat was of no harm, Slatefoot could tell that much as she stared at the little thing, but before she could even utter a word of reassurance, the patched tabby screeched and staggered back onto its paws, darting from the patrol quicker than any rabbit Slatefoot had ever witnessed.
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Post by jaybun! on Jun 4, 2024 0:23:00 GMT -5
Brownie I think Bubblingstar would love to retire! poor guy is nearing 160 moons, he deserves a break. i've always been curious what his warrior name is too :3c sadly my dream of bubbling kiddos never happened, but alas i'll work on responses and get those up soon!
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Post by cometchaos on Jun 4, 2024 0:43:38 GMT -5
Shadepatch - Thinking
Shadepatch was sitting in the Medicine Den. She was sorting herbs, her thoughts drifting to the new Medicine Apprentice of Burdockclan. She hoped that they would be a good fit for her former clan. Shadepatch continued sorting herbs, hearing birdsong from outside camp, and the murmuring sound the wind made through the trees.
[[ OOC: I put it in the Med Den for an easy way to have Hayfeather check in on Shadepatch in the Med Den :) ]] Shadepatch - Herb Patrol with Hayfeather (whispering )Shadepatch was leading her second patrol, and was determined to lead it as best she could! She had brought Hayfeather along with her, but was beginning to regret it. She had tried to start a conversation a bit ago, but there was no reply. Shadepatch was determined to have a bonding experience though, so she tried again to start a conversation, "So Hayfeather, I was thinking about Burdockclan's new medicine cat apprentice earlier, how do you feel about them?" Shadepatch said, waiting for the reply.
[[ OOC: I absolutely love her already even though I've only RPed with her twice ]]
[[ OOC 2, Electric Boogaloo: I put this through a spellchecker and I found some funny stuff in the paraphrasing part, will list some of them here because I want to: "Shadepatch is a method of thinking" "The medicine den was full of Shadepatch" "Hayfeather had brought Hayfeather along with her" and then I put THOSE through the spellchecker a few times and the result ended up being this: "It is known as the Shadepatch technique of thought" "The tale went that there was an abundance of Shadepatch in the medicinal den" "Hayfeather had brought Hayfeather along with her, Hayfeather having brought Hayfeather along with her" this was long but I wanted to say this it was hilarious ]]
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Post by cometchaos on Jun 4, 2024 8:23:08 GMT -5
[[ I have decided to ask for a Shadepatch sprite that could be used for a RP Profile Avatar Brownie ]]
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Post by Brownie on Jun 4, 2024 10:45:22 GMT -5
duskflight close! I like your Mistleheart, but you're doing what's called god-modding which is controlling other people's characters, and that isn't allowed. You can only describe what Mistleheart says, does and feels. You can't control Drizzlepaw like this: Drizzlepaw glared at her, obviously annoyed with the warrior's arrogance. or Thrushfleck like this: Thrushfleck wandered over to the she-cat. "𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?" He asked her. You have to keep it open-ended so the people playing them can respond. By taking control of their characters like that, you give them nothing to respond to and also give them no choice in their own character's actions. Can you try and edit your response to only include Mistleheart's actions and words? Try and frame your replies so there are good gaps for other people to insert their character's actions within your writing. It's a balance and it takes practice, but as long as you remember to focus on only using your character as the subject of sentences, you should be on the right track! ]]
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Post by duskflight on Jun 4, 2024 11:48:46 GMT -5
duskflight close! I like your Mistleheart, but you're doing what's called god-modding which is controlling other people's characters, and that isn't allowed. You can only describe what Mistleheart says, does and feels. You can't control Drizzlepaw like this: Drizzlepaw glared at her, obviously annoyed with the warrior's arrogance. or Thrushfleck like this: Thrushfleck wandered over to the she-cat. "𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭?" He asked her. You have to keep it open-ended so the people playing them can respond. By taking control of their characters like that, you give them nothing to respond to and also give them no choice in their own character's actions. Can you try and edit your response to only include Mistleheart's actions and words? Try and frame your replies so there are good gaps for other people to insert their character's actions within your writing. It's a balance and it takes practice, but as long as you remember to focus on only using your character as the subject of sentences, you should be on the right track! ]] OK Brownie, ill redo it now if that's ok
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Post by duskflight on Jun 4, 2024 12:06:53 GMT -5
Mistleheart was out in the forest to train her apprentice. She pounced at him, waiting for him to respond. "𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂. 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗸𝗲𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿!" She told him.
They kept training until sunset, when they returned to the camp. On the way, Mistleheart found some lavender and picked it up. When she got back to camp, she spotted Thrushfleck. "𝗛𝗲𝘆 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝗸! 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲!" she yelled to the dappled Tom. "𝗔 𝗯𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝗳 𝗹𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝘀! 𝗜 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗗𝗿𝗶𝘇𝘇𝗹𝗲𝗽𝗮𝘄, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂!
After giving him the flowers, she walked off to the warrior's den to have a rest, confident that tomorrow would be just as good as that day.
(Is that better? Thanks for the correction! This is lots of fun!)
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Post by stormshade1 on Jun 4, 2024 12:10:49 GMT -5
If Bubblingstar is retiring, I'm putting my money on the new deputy being Hazelpelt or Frozenlaurel (most xp)
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